(preface: If you have a sudden urge to say, "Hey, that sounds like my character in (random number) ways!" then the idea is that you should re-think your character.) The author, after realizing it was only sheer laziness that kept the next session from coming into being, set aside his real life and sat down to construct this third lesson of in-character ubermeinsch. This episode! How to keep an uber-char! Now as many have noted, if you've attempted the previous sessions, it is quite difficult for any uber-char to have a life-expectancy of over a week. (It takes that long for people to catch on, usually.) However, there are solutions! "What are they?" you ask? I answer, "Don't start that!" "Okay," you say, and we move on. The basic design of your uberchar has a lot to do with how long they can survive. If you just randomly picked a theme, threw together some ungodly weapons, and gave it some ultragodly armor, you might have a hard time. There isn't much I can help you with, there. But I can help a little! The key is convincing everyone around you that the uberchar is not an uberchar! This is the oft-mentioned but never seen, "Undercover Uberchar". Keep an eye out...they're heavily disguised with good descriptions, sometimes. But you can find them, and then sit back and start taking notes! These are the MASTERS!! First off, most people's complaint will be that your character doesn't seem to have any weaknesses. Before you assure me that it doesn't, hush! It does! Make some up for just this purpose! Now don't do something silly like make them vulnerable to sunlight. That's BAD. What do they do when a hot chick runs outside? Can't chase them! And people might start shining flashlights on you, just to see. Don't even fall for that. You have to have weaknesses that are as interesting as your super-weapons. Like, 'can only be hurt by pink-polka dotted salamanders that only bite your ears.' Then if someone says your character is invincible, don't tell them they're right. Say, "S/he has weaknesses! You just have to figure them out!" And they never ever will. Muahahaha! Isn't it great? Also, a really sad background story might be good. After all, you have to have SOMETHING to get that hot chick to feel sorry for you. (Or if you're on the losing end of a battle, gain a bit of pity from the big guy whupping you. But how often will THAT happpen?) The most popular one is the 'Revenge' type. Some big bad (something) came and destroyed your village/town/city/planet/galaxy/universe, and you were the sole survivor. You came to the castle in search of this creature/person and plan to wreck havoc on it's ass! Or maybe you already did that, and now you're just looking for something else to do. Another one is that your parents ran out on you when you were two, leaving you to fend for yourself in a carnivore infested forest. After eating all the animals, you wandered out in search of something else. Sound good? Yah! The younger you were when your parents ditched you, the better. If something about that doesn't fit, and you have a lot more extra time on your hand, go for the 'geneology' reasoning. Already have one character kick the bucket, or get laughed out of the role-play? Bring in his son! Or twin brother, but off-spring are better. That way the new character could have your old character's abilities...PLUS whatever else you want to add. (Maybe the first was killed by a fire-breathing dragon? The second could be fire-proof and a dragon-slayer!!) Either way, the longer you can keep your super character around, the better. Even if you only play it like...I dunno. Once a month. That way, after two years or something, you can be a 'elder' or a 'regular' or whatever cool title they're using at that point. The longer the better! "I've had this character for 8 years! He got all his powers fairly!" If you don't have that kind of time, but are interested in the longevity excuse, try this less-than-ethical method. Have them fight their arch-enemy somewhere, and get sucked into a time-warp thing. That way you can say they practiced and trained for years and years and millenia and stuff, and then popped back to this world five minutes later. Ta-dah! Instant-elder-char! A lot of people mix these formulae and it seems to work VERY well! Everyone's convinced! First, make your character with a really sad story, then, have them train a lot in time-warp places. After about a month or two, say it's been ten years. Have them marry another super-person (it doesn't have to last long, just enough to get a kid (that can take as long as a week, though, so be prepared to wait)) Then if they get killed off, or people start getting sick of their super-duper powers, bring in the kid! You can play them as a super-youngster (chics think that's HOT! They get to play 'mom' until they realize how horny you are for a six year old!), or age them real fast. Now they have all the powers of mom AND dad, and you can add some more supertraining. The best thing is, nobody can complain about this character, because everyone acknowledged the first character! It's PERFECT! Unfortunately, the inevitable eventually happens. The character meets its maker. Either someone outsmarted you somehow, or the character got real sad and committed suicide (maybe that's the only way they CAN die!) But this can be a good thing, though! Maybe you didn't consider the angel/demon thing before, but now you have the option! If they were a goodguy (even if they did a lot of bad stuff, it's the intentions that matter, right? multiple orgies and random killings are 'good' in a way...and those wings are HOT!) they get to go to heaven and become a arch-angel of war! If they were a badguy (cuz you know angels are wusses and demons can do whatever they want! that is so HOT!) they get to go to hell, become a demon lord, and kick Lucifer's ass and come back to earth! (Or if they're nice, Lucifer will be thankful and let them come and go as they please.) I'm not the expert on this, so I'm afraid I can't tell you how to explain being a half-angel and half-demon (unless mom and dad were good and bad!), but I'm sure you can get away with it. Just take anyone's soul that questions you. Right? Besides, it's YOUR character! No one can tell you what can and can't happen. It's alllll make-believe. Who says your character can't increase its strength 10,ooo,ooo,ooo fold when it's angry? (that's only if your emotionless char can get angry...it can happen!) Next session: "Using OOC to YOUR advantage!" (or: "Sick of the Click?") We are not responsible for any actions taken in accordance with the instructions here. Any similarity to another's actions to these directions are soley the choice of that other and can not be directed as a immediate result of these sessions. These sessions are meant as a scathing critique of said 'uberchars' and the 'undercover uberchars (UU)' that are infesting the roleplay. Humor is involved but is not the sole purpose. The author's amusement is the sole purpose. And if I described your character, it was not an accident. I was probably cursing your name the entire time! Goddammit you piss me off! ...thank you. Dragon's Ubercharacter Series: [episode 1][episode 2][episode 3][episode 4] |
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