by dragon In today's session, we'll be discussing the intricacies and atrocities of making an uberchar. "Why the emphasis on making," you ask? "Well," I answer. "There's a big difference between making and keeping, isn't there?" "Ah," you say. "I understand now!" "Good," and I nod, "then hush and let me finish!" "Alright." "Thank you." And then when we finish that cute little dialogue, I continue with my session. -------------- We've discussed the reasons of WHY, now we go to cover HOW. An uberchar is nothing without a theme, but unfortunately there are an almost limitless variety of (and variations of!) themes. I will attempt to cover the basics. There are three major themes for uberchars: Swordfighter, Gunfighter, Wizard. Yes yes, male and female both fall into these categories. I will try to avoid gender conflicts. The Swordfighter Generally including a rather large image by Luis Royo, this uberchar walks in bare-chested and clean cut. You don't have to worry about your spelling or grammar with this one...because he doesn't speak that well anyway, right? RIGHT! One line posts and total lack of punctuation are okay. He's a fighter, not an orator. This character is the 'medium' for required entrance posts. Just tell them you have a sword and how HOT you look. They'll get the idea. Once you have that down, you might want to decide what your sword does. "Does?" you ask. "Yes, what it does, now stop interrupting!" "okay." Because of course your sword can't be just a regular sword. Not only would it be weak, but it wouldn't give you anything to talk about! You need to have either a cool spell on it, or a really REALLY nifty blade. Like ACID COATED, or ALWAYS ON FIRE or something like that. Spells can be anything from HOLY to DEMONIC or BOTH! (Both is best, because you never know who you'll piss off. And it's not like it takes any more effort, right?) Other stuff like SPIRIT SWORD or ENERGY sword can be cool, too. The best idea, though, is to leave it vague so that no matter what you come across, you'll be ready. More on this later. The Gunfighter You usually don't need a picture for this character, unless you find a cool punk or some type of anime that you're particularly fond of. This guy's main attribute is...of course...his guns. The key is to specify the type of guns...and leave the bullets vague. "Why?" you ask. "SHADDAP!" "...sorry..." Anyway, the idea is so that when you shoot someone and they just laugh it off, you can tell them exactly WHY it just blew their head off...or soaked through their armor...or penetrated their forcefield. Because it was THIS kind of bullet. And since it already hit them, there's nothing they can do! Muahaha! Great, isn't it? And if you make the mistake of describing the bullet too early, or they come up with another forcefield to block it, then make sure your fighter has extra clips stored in weird places. (This is why you need a lengthy entrance post so you can describe the big cool jacket he's wearing that's hiding his personal armory. No barechested stuff here, sorry.) Besides, why be barechested when, no matter your description, you can always have a MEGABULLETPROOF VEST on under your shirt? I mean c'mon. You've gotta take what you dish out. This character, unlike the swordfighter who would go out actively seeking fights, will sit (preferrably in shadows) and smoke/drink/watch until he finds a suitable victim. From there you can either pick them off from your position, or just sneer at them and toss insults until they pay attention to you. The best way is just to talk to yourself for a while...ABOUT the people around you. This may take a while, though, so you may want to be continuously be cleaning your guns. It'll be more impressive, and may draw the attention of a curious and innocent chic. (They are so HOT!) Then you can show off how much of a baddass you are with your emotionless face and cold demeanor. You've gotta have a cold demeanor. Clint Eastwood never grinned, did he? NO WAY! You da MAN! Can't be caught smiling until your guns are smoking and the dude's laying in a pool of his own goo. Either that or when your soft side gets you and you've just stood up for the chic. (They LOVE that!) The Wizard You know where the chat daemon says "So and so has entered the room"? "Yes?" "rhetorical question." "oops." Well, that's about all you need for an entrance for your wizard. I'm serious! The less you say about him, the more mysterious he is, and that's COOL! Not to mention it means you don't have to tell people about the things he's carrying that would blow them away if they touched it or looked at it wrong. So the best thing is just *he enters*. That way you're left to look around and see if anyone was impressed by how sinister and suspicious you are. You have to be cold with the wizard too, but it goes a level higher than just Clint Eastwood. You RADIATE cold. Literally. The best way to show that is to TELL everyone that they suddenly get cold chills (and a smell/feel/sound of death is COOL! Like souls screaming or something.) If someone looks at you, tell them your glowing blue/green/red/fucia eyes seem to peer right through them. (The word 'peer' is really cool. Mysterious and stuff.) Always talk in riddles, too. You're a wizard, you know lots of stuff, and everyone else is stupid compared to you. Make sure they KNOW that! Even if your riddles don't make sense (most don't anyway, right?) it will confuse them and they'll realize how mysterious you are. Once you're in the room, your ONLY place to be is in the shadows (don't worry, there's plenty for everyone!). Even if you have to carry around your own little assortment of shadows. If you get angry, you HAVE to change the weather/lights/temperature. It's a MUST. Your guy is so mysterious, even the scenery gets a little antsy, right? (girls think this is HOT!) Make sure you can think up spells fast, too, for this char. (Make them sound like D&D or something, because System players are COOL but you don't have time to learn one, so just intimidate people by making them THINK you do. Throwing in numbers occasionally can be good too, but that's another session.) And don't be evil. Evil is BAD and chics hate that. (Note: evil is different from 'bad', actually, and BAD is GOOD. evil just means you're vulnerable to holy stuff. You can still smile/grin/laugh/snarl evilly, but don't BE evil. You have to have a 'soft' side so you can fall in love with that hot chic you rescued.) Next session: How to KEEP an uberchar! We are not responsible for any actions taken in accordance with the instructions here. Any similarity to another's actions to these directions are soley the choice of that other and can not be directed as a immediate result of these sessions. These sessions are meant as a scathing critique of said 'uberchars' and the 'undercover uberchars (UU)' that are not yet mentioned. Humor is involved but is not the sole purpose. The author's amusement is the sole purpose. And so what if I was a little gender biased? Girls are HOT! Get off my back, piss ant! ...thank you. Dragon's Ubercharacter Series: [episode 1][episode 2][episode 3][episode 4] |
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